Formidable
by lalarandoms
Summary: This story is based right after episode six season 17, the after math after they captured Kim's crazy butt and Amanda is at home from hospital! Amanda Rollins / Olivia Benson
1. Chapter One

This story is based right after episode six season 17, the after match after they captured Kim's crazy butt! As always PLEASE leave me reviews, I truly appreciate every one of them. Take care xo

I do not own Law & Order SVU...sadly.

 _"Formidable, formidable  
Tu étais formidable, j'étais fort minable  
Nous étions formidables" - Stromae_

 _Wonderful, Wonderful_

 _You were wonderful, I was so pathetic_

 _We were wonderful_

Amanda quickly got up from her couch startled from the door knock; unsure who it would be knocking on her door so late in the night. She grabbed her pepper spray in case- getting on to her tippy toes to see through the peak hole. Much to her surprise it was the tall brunette on the other side, the blonde takes a quick glance in front of her mirror making herself look somewhat decent; even though she was wearing basketball shorts and baggy oversized tee shirt. She didn't have munch to wear, considering she wasn't expecting to get so big- so quick. Amanda sighed before unlocking and opening her door.

"Benson, what are you doing here?" she asked trying to not look so worried.

"I uh..I came to see if you were okay?" the brunette tries to lock eyes with the blonde but it was to no success, the blonde wouldn't allow it.

Amanda widens the door open offering an invitation in which the brunette accepts, walking slowly and stepping to the side to allow the blonde to take the lead. Benson observed the blonde carefully as she leads her into her open living, Olivia took much notice to the blonde's glow- it's true, the pregnancy glow exists. She would be lying to herself if she still didn't find the blonde attractive or that her crush for her had not faded. At one point they were hitting it off, even went out on a few dates; the relationship was going well but Olivia scared herself out of it and called it off before anything truly could happen. The brunette regretted the decision surely after the break off; but she was scared. And here she is months later at her former lover's home, still madly in love wanting her back; but now her blonde is expecting.

"I am fine. I was just stressed- that's all" the blonde tried to reassure her boss but deep down she was scared as all hell.

Olivia walked closer, standing face to face and their eyes now finally locked. It would be a lie if neither of them didn't feel that shock run through them when their eyes locked, it's been so long since they've read each other eyes so easily. The brunette arms filled with goosebumps as she realized how she forgotten those blue eye were ever so mesmerizing, and the blonde was shocked by the formers lover's brown eyes remembering how hypnotizing they were.

An electric shock shot through Amanda's arm when Olivia grabbed her hand she swallowed hard, her eyes gazed down at her touch, how her hand felt so warm on top of hers. How she wished she wasn't this big right now cause she wants nothing more than to be able to take her in her arms and kiss her like she use to…

"I am sorry I add all that stress on you- I jus-" Olivia struggled to find the words, she was in over her head. She knew she was being a complete bitch to her, it wasn't Amanda's fault that her sister was evil and self centered. "this job—I feel it's too much for me at times, and I sometimes get over head. I am sorry—I am sorry I yelled at you and causing you so much stress."

Olivia breaks her eye contact, looking down sighing deeply. Taking a minute to recollect her thoughts, once again looking back that those big blue eyes staring back her with such worry and yet with some anger "I still care Amanda. "

With that said, Olivia leans in and places a soft kiss on the blonde's cheek before turning around and walking out the front door closing it behind her.


	2. Chapter Two

Ah! So, I have decided to go ahead and post this chapter, along with the chapter for my Bad Ritual story ( go check it out if you haven't done so yet!) Please leave me reviews, I love knowing what you guys think for the story thus far and you're guys ideas! Hope you guys like this one! Enjoy

I do not own the rights to Law & Order SVU, those rights belong to Mr. Wolf. Even though he is a butt and won't let us have a little Rolivia action but whatever!

 _"_ _I never knew perfection til  
I heard you speak, and now it kills me  
Just to hear you say the simple things  
Now waking up is hard to do  
And sleeping is impossible too  
Everything is reminding me of you  
What can I do?" __" –_ _Maroon 5_

Smoke misted through the dimmed lights and the smell of the cigarettes invaded your personal space. Sticky floor vibrated courtesy of the jukebox playing oldies and the crowds body heat creeped up your neck sending a very unpleasant feel. The smell of spill alcohol became offensive, the chatter and laughter around the room became distanced almost muffled. The usual sense of the homey feeling from the bar was no longer inviting, it felt cold and dark.

Corner end of the bar was the proper invite to dismiss the madness around, isolation. The dark bar stool wasn't sticky like the others much to their surprise. She sat comfortably as she could, staring out the wall across from her the neon lights shined back at her – giving her eyes a gentle sparkle. The top shelves bottles teased her, calling her.

"The usual?" the young male bartender asked his regular.

"Um- no, Ryan. I will have Parton on the rocks, please"

"No problem, baby" Ryan replied followed by a wink.

She forced a smile to Ryan as she pops her elbows on bar top, her eyes met with the mirror behind the bottles on shelf. She was taunted by her own reflection nothing but pitiful insignificance soul staring back at her. Dark hole reopened its gates allowing her to enter into solitary place of hopelessness, of a profound sadness and loss; where numbness became your best friend and your heart beat became slow and colder. Brown turned into black eyes staring at her, she felt the numbness creep slowly from her toes and finger tips making its way through her body- it could take days before she becomes completely numb, or it could become whole by the end of the night. Numbness wasn't new to her, she's been there many times- it was her best friend at a low point in her life; the drowning feel was almost comfort.

"Parton on the rocks for the lovely lady" Ryan broke her trance as he places the glass cup in front of her.

"Thanks" her voice low with little expression, she takes the cup and raised up as gesture.

Bringing the glassware close to her allowing herself to inhale the bitter scent of the drink, she twirl the glass as she watched the ice cubes dance around the silver liquid. Her dry lips place carefully on the edge of the glass, again inhale her poison before allowing it to slip between her lips. She winces as the silver slipped down her throat, burning every inch of her insides; sending a warm sensation- she could feel the numbness grow quicker.

"Fuck" she whispered to herself as she pressed the cold glass on her forehead, her dark eyes staring the sticky bar top.

Thirsty. With her own permission the cold glass once again places between her parted lips, bitterness laid flat on the tongue as it creeped down burning her once again. Heat flashed upon her face, it was warm inside and out but her numbness grew quicker with each sip. It was coming back to her.

"Liv!"

She snapped out of trance, the familiar voice was met with a familiar face. He sat the stool next to her, inviting himself when he was unwanted. His brown eyes met hers to her glassware and back at her. He had a blank stare unable to read what he was feeling, she felt uncomfortable. A coworker for fifteen years, someone who she considers a brother; was now making her feel uncomfortable. She didn't like it. It was taking over.

"What?" she asked cold bringing the cup up her lips and again indulging her burning liquid.

"Tequila, huh? What the hell is going on?"

She looked at him dumbfound. "You know exactly what, Fin."

"Right, and I am supposed to feel sorry for you?" he snapped back

She eyes widen in utter shock. Here was this man who is probably the only man in her life that stuck with her through thick and thin, getting snappy at her. Nerves hiked up but her blood began to boil. "excuse me!?"

"You need to back off Rollins, she's – "

"She was close to fucking up the case…this close, Fin!" she raised her shaky voice as she pinched her fingers together.

"And that gives you the right to yell at her in front of the entire squad- in front of our new sergeant?"

"If she would have just brought her sister in to begin with it-"

This time tall man cuts her off, his voice raising to match hers. His face getting close to her staring deep into her pitch black eyes, he could smell the bitter alcohol whiff off her. "Oh, you already forgot, huh? "

"Forgot what, Fin?"

"Simon."

She stared blank at him wanting to break their lock but he wouldn't allow it. "That was differ—"

"No, it wasn't. It's the same exact shit and you know it!" he hollers back.

Nothing. She couldn't say anything because he was right, he was fucking right. She takes the glass and downs the rest of the tequila, it burned quicker this time. It was exactly what she needed.

"Look, just back off Rollins. She doesn't need any extra stress, especially from you. That shit you pulled today could have cost her and her baby. "his voice low and serious.

On cue Ryan brought her another cool glass of her poison, she grabs it quickly taking a big sip. She needed to feel the burn and bitterness run thru her veins, as the man in front of her places his judgement.

"Do you even care?"

"Of course I care, Fin! If I didn't I wouldn't have gone to her place and apologized to her, I am not that cruel, Fin!" again she takes sip of the silver.

"And here you are sitting alone in a dark bar drinking tequila, drowning yourself into this dark hole of yours. Why? Is it because the person that was in front of you hours ago was hurt once again by you? Because you're scared to allow yourself to feel love? Or is because people you've come close to have left you? "

She takes another sip of that silver, urging the numbness to take over already. Her mind accepting the dizziness that's floating around the room, and the tingling sensation that is now gravitating through her veins.

"She's not Elliot, Liv. No one is, every person after Elliot left because you've pushed so far that they had nowhere else to go. Stop comparing everyone to Elliot. "

She forced her eyes to focus, everything was blurry. Elliot's name slipping through his lips was like taking a knife through the heart. It's been so long since he left and yet, here she is still comparing every person to him.

"Elliot was nothing, you and I both know it."

"No, he was—HE WAS MY FRIEND"

"A friend that walks up and leaves you without a single goodbye? The kind that only had social interaction with you when him and his wife - - "at this time he notices that his friend was drunk, gently grabbing her arm trying to help her up. "Let's go home, you're drunk."

She breaks the hold and sits back down on her seat never breaking her stare "I am not drunk. And don't you dare talk to about Elliot that way, you have no idea!"

Fin back off but leaned in closer to her and in soft tone voice he asked "when was the last time you've spoke with him?"

"That is none of your business."

Fin smirks "He still has a hold of you. He is out there living his life, remarried and happy while you are here sitting in the bottomless pit when your SON is sleeping over at some sitters. Who are you really mad at?!."

"Stop." She begged.

"Sober yourself up, it's not about you anymore. You have Noah, get your shit together because this whole Elliot bullshit is getting real fucking old."

Just like that Fin turns his heels and heads to exit the bar leaving her shell shocked and numb. She turns to forwards and again she taunted by the mirror behind the bottles. Her reflection was laughing back at her, the only way to clear her mind was through that silver poison.

"Another one, please." She yelled at Ryan holding her glass up high requesting the silver li


	3. Chapter Three

The chapter takes place at the hospital where Amanda starts having complications on the mid-season finale of season seventeen. I did some research on the last scene in the hospital, and make realist outcome of it. I didn't get too much detail on the medical stuff because well, I am not a doctor. I hope I did okay! I will go over the chapter once again, to double check my work in case of any errors. Leave me some reviews, please!

I do not own Law and Order: SVU or the characters.

 **(**)**

 _"_ _You know I got black eyes  
But they burn so brightly for her  
This is a blind kind of love  
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing" – U2_

Loud beeping sound rang her ears, she watched carefully as the nurses rushed the screaming blonde out the door and through the double doors. Her shaky hands ran through her hair and heart began to pound. She tried not to show it but she was terrified for her. She blamed herself. Adding so much stress and kept pushing it on her, it was her fault she began to believe. She was cold towards her, for what reason? She wasn't even sure. Olivia paced up and down the waiting room, while Carisi sat in the chair while his leg was jerking.

"What is taking so long!?" she yelled.

"I don't know."

"Fuck" she cursed under her breathe.

So many thoughts were running through her head. Their first kiss, their very first time they made love and the night she ended it with the blonde. It was a night she continues to regret, she pushed the blonde to where she is now. Her head began to ache, dizzy. Goosebumps began to creep up on her, flash backs from their first night together resurface. The way her milk skin felt on top of hers, how her fingers send her shivers as she traced her body, and her intoxicating smell. Olivia needed a drink, tequila was calling her, loudly. She felt defeated. This was all her fault.

"I need a drink" she thought out loud.

"What?" Carisi asked confused.

"Uh- nothing."

Carisi shrugged his shoulders, his only consider was Amanda and the baby. Amanda was having emergency C-section, the baby's heart rate was dropping dramatically; it was the only thing that could save both the mother and the baby. The room began to spin around Olivia, the hospital smell was unwelcoming. She hates being in the hospital, it reminded her of far too many bad memories. Depression always lured in hospitals air, it was almost magnetic. Olivia was startled when a nurse ran into the waiting room calling for her.

"Olivia? Olivia Benson?"

Olivia quickly walks to the nurse "Yes? That's me!" her voice was full of panic.

"Amanda is calling for you; she wants you in the OR. We normally wouldn't do this but— "

Olivia cuts off the nurse "Yes, yes..lead the way."

The nurse quickly brings Olivia into the back, has her put on protect grown and cap. Her brown eyes were quickly drawn in the blonde who was laying on the table, shaking. Her skin was white and cold, her blue eyes turned into a darker shade filled with fear. The room was cold, bright lights shined down on the blonde, she couldn't see what was in front of her. Nothing was said between the two, Olivia held the blonde's hand. Browns eyes never leaving the teary blue eyes, you could see the pain right through them. Olivia bit her bottom lip trying to hold back her own tears, after all that had happened between them, Amanda still wanted Olivia there with her. She knew she had to be strong for the blonde.

From the corner of her eye, she saw the baby being pulled out from Amanda. There was commotion filling in the room, there wasn't a cry. Olivia eyes never left Amanda's blue while in the background there was panic. Finally, after a what seem forever, the room was filled with the newborns cry. Olivia took at a quick glance at the baby when she felt Amanda's grip loosen up. Turning her attention back at the blonde, she sees the blue eyes rolled back.

"Amanda? Amanda!?"

Olivia is pushed out the room, the nurse quickly explains to her that she had lost a lot of blood and is needed for blood transfusion and an exploratory laparotomy. Loud bleeding sounds rang through the wall of the scrub room and the rush of nurses and doctors running into the OR room where Amanda was. Olivia breathing became difficult; she couldn't feel her legs. Her chest was hurting; her heart was pounding hard. She was desperately grasping for air. She had to get out.

Carisi stood in the middle of the waiting room, confused as he watched Olivia run out of hospital, unaware of what had happen. With high consider he runs outside to find his boss on her knees with her hands covering her face. He can hear her loud sobs, she practically yelling. He gets on his knees in front of her, unsure of what is going on; all he knew was that is wasn't good.

Olivia could feel Carisi in front of her but she didn't care. Her mind was racing; she was feeling hazy. She was crying so hard that couldn't catch her breathe. She felt Carisi arms wrap around her, bringing her closer to him. Defeated, she allowed him to hold her. Her body rested with eased on to his embrace as tears ran down her face.

"What happened?" his voice shaky

Olivia swallowed hard, she couldn't answer.

"Is the baby okay? Is Amanda okay?"

Olivia swallowed hard once again, holding back her tears. She knew she had to answer him or else he wouldn't shut up. "I- I – I don't know. I was push out the OR and all the sudden I starting hearing loud beeps and nurses, doctors were running into the room Manda was and— "

"Shh, it's okay. Amanda is strong, she will get through this." Carisi hushed his boss. He knew now he had to be strong for both ladies.

Carisi slowly lifted up Olivia on her feet and walked her inside the hospital, she was hesitating at first but she knew she couldn't just be on her knees on the ground outside. They walked down the halls of the hospital, Carisi guiding the brunette who had a blank expression on her face and tear stain cheeks. Turning the corner, they finally stopped in front of the hospital chapel.

"What are we doing here?" the confused brunette asked.

"We are here to pray for Amanda and the baby, we are going to light a candle for them."

Olivia shook her head, she wasn't religious. He knew that she didn't believe in God, why would he even bring her here there. "No."

"Olivia, listen to me. I know you're not religious or don't believe in God but I really think you should start believing. "

That caught her attention, her brown eyes met the blue eyes in front of her. "Why? Why should I?"

"I know you had it rough, you've been through hell and back, and I can understand why you wouldn't believe in God. But Olivia, he wouldn't put you through all that if he didn't know that you couldn't overcome it. Look at you, are you a survivor. You are stronger than ever. Not only that but he blessed you with Noah. It may not seem like it but he was, and is looking out for you. Always. Now, let's go inside and pray and ask him to protect and heal them. "

Olivia let out small smile and nodded in agreement. She allowed the blonde man guide her into a place unknown. It was dark with only dimmed lite candles, she watched him do the sign of the cross before leading her to the candles. Carisi lite to candles in front of them and began his prayer.

"Lord, I come before you today knowing that all power is in Your hand. I know that you are the Lord and that you care for your people. Right now, our friend is struggling with a difficult trial. I can see her strength is faltering, Lord, and know that you have all of the strength that she needs. I pray that you will reach down and touch her right now wherever she is at this moment. Let your presence fill the room where she is and let her feel an extra portion of your strength that can help her to get through this day. She needs you now, Lord, and I thank you in advance for meeting her where she is and shoring up her strength during this difficult time. In Jesus' name. Amen."

"Amen"

(**)

Fin sat in the waiting room patiently, he quickly on got his feet when he saw the two walk back into the waiting area. Olivia quickly embraced Fin unable to hold back her tears. He didn't have any words; all he could do was comfort his friend. The brunette took comfort of her friend's embrace, he was the only one in the entire 15 years who has never left her side; and even after the scene at the bar he was still here for her.

"Excuse me, are you all here for Rollins? Amanda Rollins?" a soft spoken nurse asked.

Fin and Olivia quickly break their embrace to focus their attention to the nurse. Naturally Olivia stepped forward and took the lead. "Yes, what's going on?"

"Does Amanda have any family?"

Olivia shook her head with disappointment. "No, they're estranged. We are her family."

The nurse nodded her head lightly with understanding, looking at the group all with sadness and worry, she knew they care for the blonde.

"The baby girl is healthy but we are keeping her in NICU for more testing. Amanda had a complete placenta previa, she current receiving fluids via Intravenous therapy and blood transfusion. She passed out due to blood loss and stress. She's recovering in ICU, since she had an emergency C-section she will be staying here until she is fully recovered."

"Can we see her?" Fin asked.

"Unfortunately, we aren't allowing any visitors. I am sure you'll understand; with everything she's been through. But I can take you to see the baby, if you'll like? You don't be able to hold her but you'll see her through the window."

The group stood in front of the NICU baby room window waiting for the nurse. The sadness that filled their hearts soon turned into joy and happiness. Olivia hazy feeling broke and her eyes lit up when she saw the beautiful baby girl in front of her. She reached out her hand placing on the window wanting to touch and hold the newborn. She was wrapped tightly in baby blanket with a little pink knit cap on her little head. Her skin looked soft and milk skin just like mothers, her eyes were closed but the group were more than certain that she would have mother's eyes as well. The newborn had a few wires attached to her, she wasn't preemie but with her heart dropping as quick as it did; they had to keep an eye on her condition.

"She's beautiful" Olivia whispered softly.

"Yeah, she is. " Fin replied

"Yeah" Carisi agreed.

The nurse turned around and placed the baby back into her basket and closing the curtain shortly after. Olivia turned around and lean against the window as her eyes stared down at the floor. "I hope Amanda will be okay."

"She will be. She's a survivor."

"Yeah, and we lite a candle for her and the baby and send out prayer. She will pull through." Carrisi added.

(**)

The smell of nicotine was unwelcoming and smoked filled the small dimmed lit bar. There were a few people this time, playing pool and enjoying each other's company. Guilt filled her heart while her mind drifted of the night her and the blonde become one for the first time. God, how she can feel the smooth soft milk skin on her finger tips and how her taste still lingers on her lips. She missed her, and she started to become overwhelming. The brunette sat herself comfortably on the last stood at the end of the bar. Popping her elbows on the bar top, her eyes meant with the mirror behind the top shelve bottom. Once again, she was taunted by her own reflection.

"Patron on rocks?" the bartender asked his regular.

"Yes" she replied with a soft tiring tone.

Before she even realized she was greeted with a clear glass in front of her. Taking the glass, she twirls the ice cubes around watching it dance along the silver liquid. Taking a deep inhale of the drink before taking a long sip of her drink, wincing a little of the bitter taste.

"Olivia?"

She froze. The voice so familiar, it's been so long. Why? Why now? She became shaky as her heart raced. The brunette felt the shadow sit on the bar stool next to her, so unwelcoming. Forcing herself, she slowly turned her head to at look the person next to her.

Swallowing hard.

"Elliot?"


	4. Chapter Four

**HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!**

I am so, so sorry this chapter took ages for me to put up but work during the holidays get super busy and I was having issues with my word program for some odd reason. Now I know this chapter isn't really the greatest but I kind of wanted to taste the waters with this one. Again, I am so sorry this took forever and sorry for this chapter being short and not so great. I have been just absolutely tired as of late but hopefully once the holidays are over everything will go back to normal.

I will go over and fix any errors later in the week, please bare with me!

All rights to Law and Order: Special Victims Unit goes to Dick Wolf.

(***)

"What are you doing here?"

His eyes were dark, much darker than she had remember. Dumbfounded look on his face, annoyed her. The sound of his voice was no longer the pleasant sound that rang in her ears, it was more of nails on a chalkboard. It's been years since she had last seen him, since she last heard his voice. Their only type of communication was through text message but even than he knew nothing of what her life has become. The man in front of her never changed, she only heard from him when he was drunk, and when him and his new wife were arguing. You can never teach an old dog new tricks.

"I've texted and called you but you didn't pick up. I even went to your apartment but no answer, figured you would be here"

Olivia rolled her eyes as she took a sip of her cold glass, allowing the silver liquid to linger a little around her tongue before the bitterness slid down her throat. "I don't live there anymore, I've moved."

Elliot nodded his head. He reaches over to the bar top taking a hold of the cold bottle of Coors, bring the bottle to lips taking a large sip of golden drink. "I see."

His dark eyes stared closely at the tall brunette in front of him, the woman who he used to call his best friend was nothing more than a stranger now. The warming personality that he once knew was no longer there. His exceptions of the warm welcoming were quickly torn down, he chuckled to himself thinking of he would actually get such welcoming from his former. He was greeted with such coldness and with little care. It would be a lie if he said it didn't hurt him, not even a little bit. But it would also be a lie if he said he didn't know what he was doing to her all these years. It was a complicated relationship...friendship. He would come and go as he please, and she would always be there waiting for him like a puppy. When shit got tough at home, she was there willing.

Elliot did love and care for the brunette however, no question about that.

Olivia shifted her body to face the bar, her eyes meeting at the mirror behind the top shelf bottles and her knees hitting onto the side of the bar counter. She feels a burning sensation coming from of his dark eyes glaring at her, observing her every move. Expecting a reaction out of her. She knew what he was expecting. He wanted nothing more than for her to jump out of her seat and into his arms, that didn't happen and it was never going to. The feeling she was felt for him was no longer there. Her mind was no longer with him, it was gone a long time ago. The realization hit her after Fin called her out, it made replay ever memory of her and stranger she once called best friend. It made her reevaluate their relationship, and made her come to terms with what she really was to him. Doormat.

Knowing there was nothing she had to say to him, she takes the last large sip of the poison before stepping off the stool. "I need to go. I have to relieve my nanny..." She whispers under her breathe, her eyes never leaving the floor as she pushes pass him.

Olivia could feel him following her behind, his voice calling for her with desperation and confusion. Passing through the small crowd in bar, she finally reaches towards the exits. Her breathing is heavy, she felt like she just ran race with the way her heart beaten and her lungs ached. She ran her right hand through her chestnut hair, her fingers ran smoothly though the softness before holding it in a tight grip. Breathing in deeply, holding back her tears. She refuses to allow him to have this type of effect on her. He wasn't going to win. This is exactly what he wants. He wants her vulnerable.

"Olivia!?" He whispered standing behind her.

Shutting her eyes tightly, holding back her tears. She refused to turn back to look at him, well knowingly she would break down in front of him. The sound of voice send chills down her spine, it wasn't the pleasure type chills. It was haunting.

Swallowing hard. "What?"

Her voice cracked when she spoke, _Fuck_ she cursed to herself.

"Nanny?" He asked confused.

She lets go of her tight hold of her hair, and brings her hand down to wipe her tears that began to fall. "Yes, nanny." She answered.

"What do you mean?"

"It means I have son, Elliot." Olivia blurted as she turned around to face him in frustration with tears no longer creeping out of her, and annoyance overpowering her.

"A son?"

"Yes, Elliot I have a son."

"Are you married?"

Olivia rolled her eyes and chuckled to herself as she turned her attention to the street in front of her. She reached her arm out to wave down a taxi when she felt a burning sensation on her forearm, his hand pushing her arm down and forced her to turn to look at him. Their eyes locked, and it was then when she finally knew she was over him. His dark eyes were filled with nothing but jealously as he started into her brown eyes that sparkled back at him but it wasn't the same sparkle he knew.

He removed his hand from her forearm, as he stepped back. And at that moment when they finally locked eyes, he knew. He lost his kryptonite.

"For the record not that it's any of your business, but I adopted Noah. No, I am not married, I have a girlfrien-"she bite her tongue stopping her from finishing the what she about to say well knowingly it was far from the truth.

She knew he heard her, the look in his eyes said it all. His dark eyes widen with shock and confusion; you could even see his mind trying to grasp what he had just heard. Girlfriend. She didn't mean for it to say that word, it just came out. But what scared her the most was not what Elliot's reaction could be but was the fact that saying that simple word out loud felt so natural.

Olivia quickly slipped into the back seat of the yellow taxi cab, her mind trying to wrap around what had happen, what she had just said. Why she said it and why it felt so right? As the taxi cab began to pull out from the corner of her eye she saw her former partner watching her drive off with confusion written all over his face. Everything around her stood still as shockwaves ran through her body and her mind raced. The noise around her became louder as it craved in on her, and her heart began to jump out of her chest. She never imagined herself to be sitting in a cab riding down the streets of her hometown after seeing the one person who she thought was her other half, questioning every relationship she ever had with a man. How every vivid memory of her past relationships with men crossed her mind. It finally all made sense, that one simple word put it all together. Yes, she felt some pleasure when she had sex with men at times but mostly it was all forced. It all made sense how she never felt complete even when the relationship was going great. How when she would wake up in the morning and to turned to see a half-naked man lying next to her, and she felt nothing but loneliness. How the word boyfriend felt so forced and unnatural whenever it come out of her mouth. And how during sex she forced herself to remove thoughts of other females out of her mind. How she would always question herself after she say " I love you" to boyfriend, if she really did love him or was she forcing herself to love him. And how in reality she never felt comfortable and complete when she was with a man romantically and sexuality, everything felt so forces unknowingly.

The brown eye brunette never thought she would be here, sitting in the yellow taxi cab on hot summer night coming to realization that she is gay.

(**)

 **A/N:** I hope the ending was okay. I did try to make her coming to the realization that she is gay in a real way. A lot of people come to terms with their sexuality in different ways, and I hope I did okay for Olivia. Pretty please leave me reviews! The more I get, the more it motivates me to keep writing.


End file.
